Fun Things To Do at the Mall:
We don't suggest that you actually do any of this stuff, but if you do PLEASE Email Us and tell us how it went. This page is located at Pile
-O- Junk <http://members.tripod.com/~pileojunk>
- Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."
- Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
- At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
- Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.
- Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
- "Play" the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.
- Sprint up the down escalator.
- Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say "Domino's."
- Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
- At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
- Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.
- Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved by the Bell." Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
- Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.
- Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
- Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
- Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz".
- Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap "made out of straw."